So like I said the other day, I got an alarm system. I chose to go with Guardian Protection Services for two reasons. The first was because my house was wired with a Ranger American system and Guardian bought out Ranger American. The second, and more substantial reason, was because a friend & coworker just recently had a Guardian system installed and he was happy with their service. Unfortunately though, I have not had an equally positive experience.

It all started this past Saturday morning. Guardian was supposed to show up in the morning some time after 10 a.m.. It was roughly around 10 in the morning that you would have found me sitting in my living room wearing nothing but my boxers, eating cereal and frying my eyeballs with SpongeBob SquarePants: Season 2. Guardian would call 30 minutes before they were expected to arrive so that I would have time to dress myself. Then, the doorbell rang.

Moment’s later I was dressed and Chris was allowed in. He was there for a couple of hours setting the system up. After he finished we did a quick walk through and made sure all the sensors were working by opening & closing windows and doors. Then he informed me that owners manual for my system could be found online at the manufacturer’s website; and with that he was on his way. Unfortunately I was to new to recognize what I wasn’t getting:

1. Alarm went off at 3:47 a.m.
2. Never instructed on how to:
1. erase alarm memory
2. change master code
3. add / delete guest codes
3. No phone numbers listed anywhere.
4. Never received lawn sign or window decals.
5. Never received manual (yes, I was told they’re online, I’ll get to this in a second).

So there I was. Wired. Monitored. Safe. You can only imagine how secure I felt that late night when, after an evening at the bar with a friend, I crawled myself into bed in the early hours of the new day knowing that I could not be taken advantage of during what remained of my drunken stupor. Yes I drifted away and enjoyed almost two solid hours of sleep before the alarm went off at 3:47 in the fucking morning!!

That’s right, the sensors in the living room windows went apeshit and thought it would be quite a humorous prank to pretend someone was breaking in to the house. After stumbling to the control panel I deactivated the alarm. Then I stumbled my way to the windows to see they were closed, locked, and unmolested. Then I stumbled my way to my cell phone which was ringing as the folks at Guardian were calling to find out if I was dead or not. I assured them I was safe and attempted to re-arm the system. Since I was never instructed how to bypass the no-longer-responding zone (it’s in the manual) I could not re-arm the security system. So I gave up.

I then proceeded to grumble, rumble, and stumble my way back to bed. That was Day One with the alarm.

The next morning I went online to find that manual. I needed to learn how to operate this stupid thing. Among the great many things I don’t know in life, the model number of my control panel was one of them. So after getting to the website I had to do some sleuthing to find out which of their many, many control panels had found it’s way into my house. After doing so I happily clicked on the “Owner’s Manual” link. I was instantly rewarded with an error message insisting that only registered users may get owner’s manuals. Thanks a lot Chris. You were technically correct, the owner’s manuals are indeed online. But you failed to mention that I can’t actually download a fucking copy!!

I called customer service and bitched about the many things that were not done correctly. I was told that on Monday morning someone would contact me to set up an appointment for a service technician to come out and look at my system. That night, at 2 in the morning, those mischievous little windows did it again. Though I was quite sober and readily prepared this time. The alarm was deactivated, zone bypassed, and I went to sleep.

I got a call yesterday from Guardian’s local office and an appointment was made for a tech. to come out today. I was told sometime from 1:00 to 5:00. “Can we get a smaller window?” I asked, as I didn’t want to take the entire afternoon off of work. I was told that they could call me 30 minutes prior to arrival (ha, we heard that one before, right?).

“Can you make sure that happens, because you were supposed to call me on Saturday and no one did. Tomorrow I’m going to be at work until you call me so if you don’t call me I won’t be home,” I explained.

Annie assuaged my worries with a confident, “We will definitely call you before we come out tomorrow.” (You know how this one ends, but let’s say it anyway.)

Monday night: zone bypassed before I went to bed this time (see? I learn!). I awoke this morning to find that the windows did in fact lose communications with the alarm system. No problem, service tech’s coming out today.

Today at 2:52 pm my phone rings. “Who was it?” you ask? Why it was none other than Annie at Guardian Protection Services! “I’m sorry Sir, but the 30 minute notification we promised you didn’t happen. The service tech is in front of your house right now.”

“Well I’m at work. I can leave right now but It’s going to take me 20 minutes or so to get home.”

Shortly thereafter I arrived home to meet Vince, my service tech of the day. Within 30 minutes Vince had replaced the sensors, checked the system again, given me my house sign and window decals, and not only gave me a little manual but also included quick tutorial of several topics I quizzed him on. Vince had his shit together, I’ll give him that… but the real test will be tonight when I go to sleep without bypassing the windows.

So that’s my first 4 days with an alarm system. Guardian has done anything but impress me. This is made worse by the fact that this is what they do. I didn’t go to a tire shop and ask them to inspect my battery. I went to an alarm company and asked them to install an alarm.

Let’s just sell this damn thing and move out of Texas…

It’s been quite a few weeks. From an unbloggable event to work, to the break in, to the mad sprint to finish the house, to calling a few realtors as I try to figure out who’s going to help me with escape. But you know what? Not a single part of it really been fun.

I’m sitting here this morning as some guy named Chris is installing an alarm system. I’ve decided to go with Guardian on recommendation from a friend. The salesperson claimed that cancellation of the contract would only cost me 20% of the remaining contract amount. However when I went to sign the contract I read it first and saw that it was 20% and a $900 fee. When I called her on it she crossed it out and I initialed it. So according to her, it’s just going to be 20% (but I have a feeling this will turn into a fight).

The only reason I’m getting a stupid alarm to begin with is because of the burglars lazy attempt at a 2nd entry. It’s not my worry so much of a break in (there’s not much of value in my house), but the need for things to go smoothly in the coming weeks as my house gets put up for sale. I don’t like the idea of an alarm system too much, and I hate the thought of another monthly payment (recurring payments eat your soul). But sometimes you gotta do things you don’t want to I guess.

Then comes the realtors and the house sale itself. I’ve spoken to three realtors so far and will likely choose one of these three.

The first realtor and I had a lengthy conversation on the phone on Thursday in which he slowly drove rusty nails into my heart. Mentally I have dropped my house price several times, however I was ill-prepared for what he would say. The price he thinks I should be chasing is horribly low. I got off the phone more than a little dejected.

This would be a great time to say: zillow can kiss my white ass! It seems that they’re estimating high these days and haven’t been agile enough to move with the market as it has plummeted these last 18 months. In relating my story to a friend at work, he asked if I had checked out the Chase Home Value Estimator. He noted that they seem to be the closest to what people are actually selling their houses for (he’s currently selling his house and buying another, so he’s been watching). Chase’s estimation seems to be much more inline with my latest (and lowest) expectations.

So there’s still a glimmer of hope that I’ll sell this house for my minimum.

Well after Chris from Guardian finishes putting in the alarm, I’ll be expecting realtor #3. He’s the first realtor to ask to actually see the house and give his opinion on what my house could sell for. I expected this from both previous realtors and was surprised that they didn’t offer the same. Anyway, I’m hoping to hear something positive from him and hope to get this house on the market.

Like I said earlier though, none of this is fun. I know life can’t always be sunshine and roses, but I find all of this nonsense that I’m going through a sort of a justification that what I’m doing is right. Maybe when life just sputters along we sputter right along with it and don’t spend enough time really asking ourselves if we’re doing what we want to be doing with our little time here. When life is a little more hassle you start asking yourself, “Is this worth it?” Maybe we should ask ourselves that question more often.

Anyway, I’ll let you know how the talk goes with the realtor. Wish me luck.

I’ve always realized that I’m pretty lucky when it comes to neighbors. I live in a blue collar neighborhood without a home owner’s association. Two characteristics I was specifically looking for. In the 7 years I’ve lived here the neighbors have all done their part to prove that home owner’s associations aren’t always required to keep a neighborhood from going to shit.

I know all (but one) of my immediate neighbors and several more within a stone’s throw. The night I came home to find my house sporting a broken window I went immediately to ask my next door neighbor if anyone had seen or heard anything. Soon two other neighbors heard the news and then it spread like wildfire.

My one neighbor, Scott, made it a point to tell everyone he could and ask if they heard or saw anything. He was, in all honesty, angrier about the situation than I was. In fact there were a couple of neighbors who seemed like they were ready for a good ol’ fashioned lynching. It was an unusual time for me when amongst a crowd I was the calm one. But the point wasn’t lost on me. These were good people who were angry about crime in their neighborhood, but these were also caring people who were upset that I was broken into.

When I commented that I would not be sleeping in the house that night, but instead would head to a hotel, three different neighbors opened up there homes to me. Insisting that it would be no bother and offering whatever assistance they could. What more could you ask for from neighbors? Honestly?

I’ve mentioned before that I’ve got good neighbors. But the burglary showed me that I’ve got more than good neighbors, quite a few of them are great neighbors. I lucked out here.

Before the burglary I used to keep the spare keys to my house in the nightstand by my bed. I really had no better place for them and I never considered what the security implications where if someone one day broke into my house. Well I never considered it until after someone broke in. Then I thought, “what a stupid idea that is.”

I wasn’t positive that one of the spare keys were taken, but I thought that one of them might’ve been. So just to be safe I changed the locks on my front door and garage-to-house door.

Well, take a guess what I found on the floor in below my front door today. No no no, why the hell would I have found a turtle wearing a summer dress?? Stupid guess. No, I found a key. I went to the trash which still contained some of the old spare keys and compared. Sure enough, they matched. My wanna-be-house-mate(s) returned sometime in the past two days and attempted to walk in the front door.

What amazes me is that the key was just left on the floor afterwards. There are some things about the burglary that seems painfully amateur, and others that seemed like he/she/they knew exactly what they were doing. Seriously, who just drops evidence that they were there like that? –sigh–

This whole this is annoying and incredibly frustrating. I just want out. I just want to leave. It’s like I’m being forced to deal with this when I don’t have any real good answer to do so. Does it make sense to consider an alarm system when I’m hoping to be out of here in the next 2-4 months? I don’t know. I’m really getting fed up with this though.

Add to the list of stolen shit my jars of loose change. I’m guessing about $100 worth.

Now I go to work, and leave the house alone. How shitty is it that I have to consider that? Fucking assholes.