Several of you emailed & texted me yesterday after hearing I was back already to ask what happened. I blew you all off because I was tired and didn’t feel like talking; but thanks for asking. Now, let me share the story with all of you.

First let’s just get to the bottom line. Mosquitoes. Yes I quit after a single night because I got bitten by mosquitoes. Go ahead a laugh. I’ll just start my story from the beginning and will defend myself towards the end, so here goes.

As is the story in almost everything I do I started my adventure a little later than I should have. Though this time I really don’t think it was my fault. Well maybe it was my fault, but it wasn’t do to procrastination, or sleeping late, or any of the usual suspects. I made my way down to the ranger station as planned and stopped in for some advice and any other helpful info they would bestow upon me. As it ended up I stayed there longer than expected, for over an hour actually, and therefore got to the campground that much later.

When I got to the campground that housed the trail head I drove around a little bit trying to figure out exactly where I was supposed to park and where the actual trail head was. I asked a few people who were working there doing some sort of landscape maintenance or something but they were of no help. I passed a billboard that looked pretty official, so I pulled over and walk up to it to read all that it said.

There was no information about where to find my trail; rather more warnings about bears and cougars. I headed back to car, absent-mindedly swatting away a few mosquitoes that were hanging around. I thought nothing of them. Silly silly me.

I eventually parked off to the side by some other cars. After parking and getting out my gear I took off my shirt and sprayed myself down with bug spray. Mosquitoes were officially taken care of. Then I headed into the woods on a little trail not far from my car. I would spend the next hour walking around in circles. I had a map which detailed all the trails in the area, but it wasn’t so detailed as to show exactly where I should have gone in. By the end of my first hour, having crossed the same fallen tree 4 times, I was getting pretty frustrated and I was thinking very bad things about the US Forest Service. Why the fuck advertise trails if they were so damn convoluted??

Then, by sheer luck, I found the actual trail head. Apparently for an hour I was walking around some silly local trails for the stupid car campers. Me being a real hiker, needed a real trail! Finally there it was. I mentally apologized to the USFS for mentally chastising them. While I think they need to do a better pointing out where the trail actually starts, once I found it (and for the entire duration of my hike) the trail was made very obvious.

It was almost 2.5 hours later than I planned on it being so I had to get a move on. I entered the woods and my adventure was officially started. I’m not sure when it started, maybe around 30 minutes in, but the mosquito population quickly increased. No no “quickly increased” isn’t right I think “the mosquito population exploded” is more appropriate. There was a swarm of them and I was getting bitten. Often.

I had apparently not done a good enough job of covering myself with bug spray on the backs of my arms and the mosquitoes were taking full advantage of my inconsistent coverage. The trek towards Yoran Lake, my evening’s destination, was an upward one and the going was slower than I expected. The heat, the constant uphill walk, and the 50 pounds on my back was draining me quicker than expected and I was happy to stop for my first snack break. Not because I was physically tired but because I really felt like I needed more energy.

I sat down and took off my pack, immediately taking advantage of the fact that the bug spray was within reach I quickly re-coated myself making sure to cover the now-battered backs of my arms. The bug spray really worked great, however the mosquitoes took advantage of the fact that my back was no longer covered by my pack and began to bite me through my shirt. I was not spraying my clothing for fear of making myself smell too much; keeping odor down would decrease the chance that bears or cougars would think of me as food.

I took out a power bar and ate it as quickly as I could. The longer I was stationary the more time mosquitoes had to assemble. I was no longer surrounded by a swarm as it was now a literal cloud. As soon as I was done I got my pack on and got moving again. So I continued to walk. Throughout the walk the quantity of blood sucking parasites ranged from “swarm” to “cloud”. They were always there and stopping for even a few seconds to drink water quickly got you surrounded again. The bug spray worked but no where near as long as advertised and as I sweat more & more the swarm would get closer and closer.

After three hours of assault I had found that I was alternating between three modes mentally. There was the “walk and shoo” phase as I would make silly attempts at killing these winged assholes. With so many you didn’t swat at them but merely ran your hand down your arms and killed half a dozen each time. Then there was the “accepting cow” phase where I just kept walking along letting them have their way with me as I search for some greener pastures. Then, every so often, there was the “going mad” phase where I felt like my last nerve was finally destroyed and I felt like I was going to just snap; visions of jumping in a lake or just rolling on the ground would for a few seconds seem perfectly sane options. Most of my walk was spent as the accepting cow where I just continued my migration as I was bitten in the arms and head and ears and even once on my eyelid.

Two hours after my first snack I was ready for another. I dreaded the thought of stopping again. So I didn’t. Soon though I felt like it would be dumber to not eat than it was to stop and do so, so I put down my back. Getting out my pre-portioned trail mix I immediately regretted its size. I just wanted to eat and go but there was too much in the bag. “Eat it all,” I told myself knowing that I needed to stay energized. The endless hill I was one was taking more out of me than expected. So I ate, and I was eaten. Then I got up and kept walking.

At around 6:15 I got to a lake. Not only was it a chance to refill my water bottles but it gave me a landmark for which to see my progress on the map. I didn’t like what I saw. Calculating my pace and looking at the distance I had left it would take me another 90 minutes or so to get my planned destination. With the hillside rising to my west sunset would come sooner than expected and I didn’t think I’d get to Yoran Lake with enough day light to set up camp and get settled in. Having been harassed the entire walk I was pretty miserable by this point, setting up camp now would get me in my tent that much faster and away from the needles with wings. So it was decided, day one was complete.

I quickly set up my tent. I wasn’t terribly hungry as snack #2 wasn’t that long before. I took out a serving of summer sausage and forced myself to eat it. After hanging my food up in a tree and taking care of other such nonsense I climbed into the tent. Quickly zipping it back up I sat in the night’s shelter and spent 10 minutes or so killing all the mosquitoes that chased me in.

It was early so I cracked out my book and settled in for an evening of reading. It was almost 8 when I began feeling sleepy. I had to pee, but not so badly that I was willing to go back outside. Instead I put the book down, closed my eyes, and headed off to sleepy-sleep.

Around 10:30 I woke up. Sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor was a little less comfortable than my bed and a solid eight hours was looking less likely. Rather than force it I put on my headlamp and illuminated the pages of Hemingway and kept on reading. It couldn’t have been more than 5 minutes when I heard the sound of wood cracking somewhere in the not-too-distant distance. I quickly turned off the light and contemplated the benefits of shitting my pants. It made more sense to not do that so I didn’t but rather I began molesting my can of bear spray as I looked around the through the mesh of my tent. There was a very strong smell that smelled like a mix of animal and dung. I wasn’t sure what was out there but something definitely was.

I lay down and told myself to relax. I began to mentally concentrate my chi so I could be ready to thundafist whatever animal was foolish enough to get close. Some time shortly after that the smell wafted in once again. I waited. Time passed. Nothing happened, no more sounds, no more smell. I relaxed and eventually went back to sleep.

I awoke around 5:30 the next morning. According to my exceptionally crappy whistle-thermometer it was about 50° F. Chilly enough that I wanted to stay in the sleeping bag, but not so cold that I had to. Wanting to get moving before the mosquitoes awoke (and really, really having to pee) I got up and got going. I was happy to find my bag of food still hanging where I left. Not long after I was sitting on my log eating my granola breakfast. The brisk morning air was apparently too cool for the insect life and it was surprisingly serene. There was a brief moment where I considered hiking forward instead of heading back my car. I hadn’t made the time I was hoping to the previous day but I really felt like I could make it up if needed.

After breakfast I started packing up my gear. It was almost 7 by the time I was done and ready to go again. It was still cool out but warm enough for the little bastards to start waking up. Not bad by any means but enough to remind me that going home was the only real choice. Grabbing my gear and taking one last look at my little lake I began the trip back to the car.

The trip back was almost a completely different story. The temperature was so much cooler, and on day two I’d be walking 1,000 feet down instead of up. But most importantly there were just so few mosquitoes. As I walked along I began to question my decision. Was I quitting too soon? Was I just being a baby? By 8:00 though it was warming up considerably and the swarm that had kept me company on my way up was there to see me off that day. They stayed with me until I left the woods several hours later. I’m not sure I’ve ever been happier to see my car.

All told it was probably one of the most miserable experiences of my life. So that’s my story. You’re likely unimpressed that months of planning was thwarted by a few mosquito bites. Here’s the best defense I’ve got: counting the mosquito bites on my arms and face last night I got to 300 bites. All told I think I can safely say that I was bitten at least 400 times without being accused of hyperbole. I didn’t quit because I got bit a couple of times by some bugs. I quit because I was getting eaten alive. Check out the picture of my arm to the right over here (there are a few more in the gallery link below). The crazy part is that not only was I wearing bug repellent, but it worked (for the most part). I can’t even imagine what I’d look like if I went in without it.

That’s my story of my horrendous trip to the woods. But even now as I sit scratching the bites around my sock line and type this out I remember that there were positive things that came out of this adventure too.

By many estimates my trip into the woods was a failure. Four days turned into about 7 hours of hiking and a single evening of camping. But you know what? I did it. I strapped 50 lbs on my back and I hiked into the woods. I slept in a tent. This might not be huge for some people, but for this city boy that’s a pretty big thing. I’m fairly proud of myself for striking out and making this happen.

While I didn’t achieve what I sent out for, I did get some of the effect. Countless people suggested to me that I try something smaller for my first outing, but I wouldn’t have any of it. I wanted epic. Well, I got it. This might’ve been a failure, but it was definitely epic. You can’t decide to try new things and expect to love all of them, that comes with the territory of “new”.

Another not to be overlooked is that I hiked almost 7 miles with my backpack and without any foot pain. Not during the hike and not the next morning. I know that my blogs regarding the plantar fasciitis have got to be some of the most boring blogs I could write. But it’s been a big thing for me these last 4 years and it’s amazingly awesome to say that simply by switching to more natural shoes I’ve finally solved this riddle. That’s huge.

Lastly I’ve got admit that I’m pretty lucky not to be very allergic to mosquito bites. Unlike fire ants, which crater me, usually when I get bit by a mosquito it’s gone within 30 minutes. That’s definitely not the case this time, but even with this ungodly itching I’ve gotta be thankful that it’s not as bad as it could’ve been.

That, my friends, was my trip. Will I ever even consider camping again? I honestly don’t know. Right now I simply don’t have the right frame of mind to be able to evaluate that question seriously. Time will tell and of course I’ll share any such insanity with all of you here.

Oh… and just as an exclamation point: On the ride home I got a flat tire. 100 miles from Portland I road the rest of the way on a donut doing 50 mph in the right lane. Tragedies folks, tragedies.

PIcture gallery here

I’m home. Two days early. Short story: nature kicked my ass. Long story forthcoming.

8,000

I said I was going to aim for 8,000 calories per day. That’s pure nonsense. I’ve gotten myself to about 5,000 calories for my two full days. Packing it all up it seems like quite a bit of food I’m just not sure I could physically put in twice that amount in a single day.

So I settle on 5,000 calories. I’m not terribly worried about having enough to survive or anything as I’ll only be gone for 4 days. If 5,000 falls too short then I’ll just be hungry and miserable. If you’re interested in seeing my meal plan check out this .pdf file. Though they’re not included in the list I’ve added 2 snickers bars for each day for an additional 440 calories.

10 & 50

I wasn’t sure how much everything would weigh once I shoved it all on the bag (And “shoved” is the right word. That bag is packed to the top!). Getting everything finished up this evening I decided it was time to hit the scale.

First I put on all that I would wear on my body. All the clothes, a bottle of water clipped to my belt, hiking poles, a leatherman, camera, 2 knives, GPS, and whatever else was in my pockets. All that came in at about 9 pounds. Then I put on the pack.

I hoped the pack would come in around 35-40 lbs. I missed that mark as the scale increased by almost exactly 50 lbs with my pack on. So those 12,000 calories a day? Crank that up a little bit.

2

I called the ranger station earlier today to make sure everything was wonderful out on the trails. We talked for a bit and I was warned about not only bears, but of cougars too. Great, now I have two reasons to piss myself every time I hear a twig breaking.

I’ve definitely been practicing my uppercut in the event that I do see a bear. I may get eaten, but that bear’s gonna have to chew with a broken jaw. I’m ready to shoryuken anyone or anything that gets too close.

OK, kidding aside… the thought of running into a bear or cougar scares the ever living shit out of me. I’m just going to hope that bear & cougar sitings are as rare as people tell me they are.

Well that’s about it. I wanted to share my list of camping-related purchases but that’s going to have to wait until I get back.

Oh… and I’m totally going in my Nike Free 3.0’s however I did pack my hiking boots with fancy orthotics just in case. I’ll let you know how that worked out.

So the plan is to head out early tomorrow morning. Stop by the ranger station for a second map and some suggestions from the rangers regarding hikes and whatnot and then finalize my path. Then I hit the woods. Hopefully Sunday evening I’ll be in my car heading north to Portland once again.

Yeah I know, I already told you that but this time I mean I’m going camping. Like in a tomorrow!! If I can get all my shit together I’m planning on heading out in the morning! If I have to push it back until Friday that’s fine, but I’m going to try and get out tomorrow.

I’ve decided where I’m going. I’m going to Diamond Peak Wilderness Area. I’ll be out hiking for four days, I think. I’m planning for a four day hike. I’m assuming that I’ll be doing 8 miles a day, a pace which seems reasonable based on what I’ve read. Some people here balk at such a slow pace so maybe I’ll end up going faster, but I highly doubt it.

I still have a few things left to do. The most important of which is creating a menu and planning out my meals. I’ve got a general idea of what I’m doing but I still need to get it all written out and then portioned & packaged out. The first step in meal planning is understanding how many calories you should be eating every day. This is where things get crazy.

I found this website that helps you calculate how many calories you’ll burn during a day of activity. Following their directions and calculating using my measurements I calculated that during in a day that includes 8 hours of hiking I’d burn 12,000 calories!! Let me say that again. If I strap a 30lb backpack and go for an eight hour walk I will burn twelve thousand calories!! That seems insane but the information is printed on the internet so clearly it’s true.

Last night I started building the menu and I’ll need to have it done today. I think I’m going to aim for 8-9,000 calories a day. That seems like an awful lot of food, especially considering I’ll be carrying all of it on my back. We’ll see, maybe I won’t make the cut. I’m really not so much worried about the calorie intake as much as I’m worried about being hungry. My body carries a little extra calories for just such occassions.

Wanna know my favorite benefit of calorie loading? Nutella! If you’ve never heard of it then I’m a little more disugsted with you; I also pity you greatly. Nutella is a chocolate hazelnut spread that tasted like an orgy in your mouth. I normally can’t buy it because I don’t have anywhere near the will power required to keep it in my apartment for more than about 3.5 hours. Now that I have to pack on the calories I can indulge.

There are some things that never did happen that I wish I got around to. I was planning on backing up my bag and going for some short walks and whatnot to get a feel for things, but that’s not going to happen now. I’m just going to have assume all will be well.

There’s more to say, but I really do need to get busy. I think I’m fine with time but I’d rather not risk it so I need to eat breakfast and get busy. I’m hoping to write two more entries before I go though we know how good I am at that…

So I’ve got beef jerky covered. The next step was to experiment with my camping stove. Two days ago I brought out the fire maker and made my first ever meal camping-esque meal. Then 20 minutes later, after turning instant mashed potatoes into a disaster I tried again. On my second attempt… success!

Here’s what I made:

Ingredients: Shredded potato (dehydrated? cooked? both? I have no clue…), potato flakes, dehydrated minced garlic, fake bacon bits, powdered cheese, powdered milk, Mrs. Dash table blend.
Tools: Fuel, Snowpeak Gigapower stove, and GSI Pinnacle Soloist pot.
Using my water bottle to measure out 24 oz of H2O. Just like us mountain men do it in the wild.
Fire’s on.
In about 5 minutes water starts to boil. Add 2 oz of shredded potato, 0.5 oz bacon bits, 0.5 oz garlic, and 0.2 oz Mrs. Dash. Boil for another 5 minutes.
Take pot off flame. Add powdered milk and cheese. Stir.
Add 2 oz potato flakes and stir until uniform consistency. Kick back and enjoy.

It actually tasted pretty damn good, like good enough to eat even when you’re not camping. Though I might use a little less powdered cheese next time. The only real problem was that it was too much food. Which is what I don’t have a good feel for. I’m told that if I spend an entire day hiking then I’ll be ready to eat everything that’s put in front of me but that was quite a bit. I’ll likely cut that recipe down and see how it feels when I’m out in the woods.